Quips, Quotes, & Jokes

"A Collection of Christian Clean Jokes, Stories, and Poems for Church Brochures Newsletters, & Websites"

"A merry heart doeth good like a medicine."
(Prov. 17:22)

Showing posts with label church. Show all posts
Showing posts with label church. Show all posts

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Shhh... Quiet!

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother
Joel were sitting together in church.

Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in
church," she said.

"Why not? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers!"

"Christian Home Business Help" Contact Linda @ http://linda.christianhomebusinesshelp.com

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

An Open Letter to God

Dear God,

I'm sorry you made Sunday when you did. You see, it's like this... we could attend church more regularly if your day came at some other time. You have chosen a day that comes at the end of a hard week, and we are all tired out. Not only that, but it is the day following Saturday night.

Saturday evening, you know, is one time we feel we should enjoy ourselves, so we go to the movies or a party, and often it is after midnight when we reach home. It is almost impossible to get up on Sunday morning. You have chosen the very day we want to sleep late, and it makes it mighty hard to get the children off to Sunday School, and especially when they have to leave home so early.

Then there are dishes to wash, and we always have some things we just have to wash out. I mean no disrespect, dear God, but you must realize that you have picked the day on which we have the biggest dinner. Not only that, but the Church has fixed the hour of worship at the very time we must be preparing dinner.

Then too, you must think of John. He is cooped up in his office all week, and Sunday morning is the only time he has to tinker with the car and mow the lawn. When he gets into his old clothes and his hands are all greasy, you could not expect him to put his work aside and go off to church.

I am telling you these things, dear God, because I want you to get our viewpoint. It is not our fault that we are unable to get to church on Sunday mornings. We would like to go, and we know we should go, and need to go. But, it must be clear to you that the reason we cannot go is because you have chosen the wrong day. If you will select another day, we shall be glad to go to church and Sunday school more faithfully.

Sincerely yours,
I.M. Busy

Christian Home Business Help & Church Funding Contact Linda @ http://linda.christianhomebusinesshelp.com

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Christian Blonde

A blonde was filling out a form for college.
One of the questions asked her to state her church preference.
Her response was, "red brick"

*****

Church Bulletin Blooper


Our next song will be, "Angels we have heard get high."

*****

Just for Laughs

Q. What do you call pastors in Germany?
A. German Shephards

Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.


Christian Home Business Help & Church Funding Contact Linda @ http://linda.christianhomebusinesshelp.com