The Farmer and His Dog

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldon went to the parish priest, saying, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly say mass for the poor creature?"

Father Patrick told the farmer, "No, we can't have services for an animal in church, but I'll tell you what, there's a new denomination down the road a piece, and no telling what they believe in. Maybe they'll do something for the animal."

Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"

Father Patrick replied, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

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Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. So, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door. When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10..'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins, "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked;"

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The Healing Power of Holy Water

One morning a man came into the church on crutches.

He stopped in front of the holy water and splashed some
of it on both of his legs, then threw away his crutches.

Little Johnny witnessed the scene and ran into the rectory
to tell the priest what he had just seen.

Without batting an eye, the priest said, "Son, you have just
witnessed a miracle. Tell me, where is this man?"

"Flat on his face over by the holy water, Father."

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Quips and Quotes

"Best Kind of Friend"

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on the porch
and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling
like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

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God is Like TV Commercials

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her
class to look at TV commercials and see if they could
use them in some way to communicate ideas about God.

Here are some of the results:

God is like BAYER ASPIRIN... He works miracles.
God is like A FORD... He's got a better idea.
God is like COKE... He's the real thing.
God is like HALLMARK CARDS... He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like TIDE... He gets the stains out that others leave behind.
God is like GENERAL ELECTRIC... He brings good things to life.
God is like SEARS... He has everything.
God is like ALKA-SELTZER... Try Him, you'll like Him
God is like SCOTCH TAPE... You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like DELTA... He's ready when you are.
God is like ALLSTATE... You're in good hands with Him.
God is like VO-5 Hair Spray... He holds through all kinds of weather.
God is like DIAL SOAP... Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
God is like THE POST OFFICE... Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.
God is like CHEVROLET... the heart beat of America
God is like MAXWELL HOUSE... Good to the very last drop>
God is like BOUNTY... He is the quicker picker upper can handle the tough jobs and He won't fall apart on you.

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Shhh... Quiet!

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother
Joel were sitting together in church.

Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud.

Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in
church," she said.

"Why not? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said,
"See those two men standing by the door? They're hushers!"

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